WHERE'S WALDO?

 
Do you know what the best part is about having your own clothing brand? It's not the swanky parties, the rock-star status, the hoards of beautiful women constantly throwing themselves on you in a frenzied panic, the license to kill that's included when you register your business here in Canada, the private jets, or eating endangered species 5 meals a day. No, my friend. The best part about having your own clothing brand is the friends you make along the way. It's amazing that people can be just as excited about Pause as I am! Last week I got a phone call that went down like this:

"Hey Eric, it's Shannon." --- "What? How do you know my name? Shannon who?" --- "Shannon...your friend Shannon. We talk all the time.." --- "I see. Okay, sure. How'd you get this number?" --- "Anyway...I'm going to LA in a couple days. You should give me a massive amount of Pause stickers and I'll put them up all over Hollywood!" --- "Okay, $500 US dollars and you've got a deal." --- "What?" --- "Uh, nothing. Sounds good. Thanks!"

The fact that people are willing to risk sunburn, celebrities, and being arrested just for Pause is unreal.

Thanks again Shannon! (You have till the end of the week to get me that $500...)

-Eric Pause  ¶ 2:02 PM

    ¶ 5:26 PM

  Hey God,

It's Eric again. I'm writing to you because I have a problem with some of the choices you've made this year regarding killing off certain comedians. Do you think you could possibly knock it off? It's not like the world is overflowing with truly funny people here, and we can't really afford to lose anymore. I can see why George Carlin would piss you off, always taunting you, making fun of people who believe in you, and constantly using language you're not into. And sure, Bernie Mac wasn't the funniest guy in the world. But Isaac Hayes?! Dude. WHAT is your problem? You can't just take out the man who was both Shaft AND Chef and act like it's no big deal. I can understand why you'd be jealous. But who isn't? Of course I know I'll never amount to 1 billionth of Isaac's greatness. Everyone does! But that doesn't mean I'm going to try and take him out so that I can take his place. Hell no. I'm just going to step aside and let the man do his thing.

Look dude, I've forgiven you for A LOT in the past. Flooding, people who carry dogs in their purses, platypuses, heat waves, earthquakes, crocs, and those cell phones that attach to your ear. But this time you've gone too far. We're through, you got it? Don't call me.

Sincerely,
-Eric Pause

P.S. I found this picture in your drawer. I hate to rain on your parade but I let Samuel know about your little plan about taking out him next. And guess what? He's pretty pissed off. I'd watch it if I were you.



  ¶ 2:40 PM

  I HAVE A BRAND NEW BIBLE FOR SALE..

 
There's something about hotel rooms that makes us humans want to act like rambunctious 5 year olds on speed. Maybe it's the fact that it's not your house, it's not your friends house, it's clean, you can be as loud as you want,  you can be as messy as you want, and you won't ever have to clean it up. 
Now combine all that with the luxury suite at a certain expensive hotel,  3 friends, a massive water park chock full of cute girls, nothing to do tomorrow, and have it all ABSOLUTELY FREE. Well my friend, you've got yourself one hell of a good time.
Between getting kicked off the water slides for trying to use the tubes as surfboards, dragging the entire living room of our suite out onto the top floor balcony to enjoy the night in comfort, consuming my entire body weight in buffet 3 times a day, and being pampered in the VIP spa, I'm still thinking of all of you. So please, Great Wolf Lodge, Niagara Falls, Room 4289.

Bring a dessert.
-Eric Pause  ¶ 3:20 PM

  Need help picking up?


After the influx of replies to my last advice post, I felt it prudent to to pick the best of the litter for the next one. Here's one from Tommy in Thorold:

"hey Kyle, I know that this comes easily for you guys, but I was wondering what I should do to become more popular with the ladies? Are there any sweet skills I should pick up, like fire breathing or sword swallowing? Should I wear tighter pants(they can already see my shaft, but they have to use imagination for the veins)? I just don't get what I'm doing wrong"

Well Tom, fire-breathing would be a really good start, but I think you might attract the wrong kind of attention with the sword swallowing (not that there's anything wrong with that). I think your best bet is to pick up every skill you can possibly find, leaky faucet? you've got it, her dog pees on the rug? not after you spend a day with it. She can't find the original cassette single of Step by Step? you're best friends with Donny Wahlberg and you'll record a new copy. You know, just little stuff. As for the jeans, I think you're dead on, it's a scientific fact that girls have terrible imaginations, you don't want them picturing unicorns and rainbows all over that shining rod of glory do you? (I don't know, maybe you do...actually I think I do). And because I'm all about the shameless plugs, I thoroughly recommend a good repertoire of Pause apparel. I wear it all the time, and sometimes girls look at me( but I don't look back, I play that shit aloof, like Dylan from 90210). also, reference 90210 as often as possible, until the new show comes out, then act like you're all above that shit. And try to know as much about everything as you can, if you can make them seem dumb all the time, maybe you can convince them that they'd be stupid not to date you(did you know that nikola tesla invented a death ray capable of shooting down aircraft at 300 miles? well neither did she and now you're in) ? And the number one thing that I find helps me is buying them really random gifts that make no sense at all, but trying to convince them that it's because you know how much they love ______ . ("I know that salmon is your favourite animal, so I had one stuffed by my grandma, she has alzheimer's so she made it in the shape of a barn, but she put a lot of love into it") your blundering will be so cute, she's bound to love you.

you're welcome,
Kyle  ¶ 6:53 PM

  ITS TIME FOR A

It is soon approaching that time of year again, when my seasonal job lays me off for the summer. Although this year is different than the rest. I won't be returning to school in September, instead I will be hunting for that new job, career even. I have already began my search but to no avail. SO! here it is, right under my nose this whole time. THE INTERNET...here goes nothing.

Dear Mr./Mrs. Internet, aka everyone, ever,

I have been a fan of yours for some time now. Your wit, charm never cease...and now I have come to repay you by coming to work for you in your palace of tubes.

I have complied a list of several(but not all ;)) skills I have acquired that may very well come in very handy!

- Bench Pressing
- Science experiment guinea pig
- I can colour all the pictures in your colouring book
- Open Wonka Bars in the search for a Golden Ticket
- Be the drunken asshole hitting on the girl you're talking to at the bar so you can beat me up
- I can eat the muffin stumps that you don't want finish (The top is the best part you see)
- I can lift those HEAVY-ASS WEIGHTS that you don't want to
- Tiger keeper-awayer
- New shoe breaker-inner
- I can dress up as Bo Jackson and attend parties (for an extra fee)
- Karate
- Be your friend
- Fly around the world to retrieve valuable objects for you

If any of these strike your fancy, or maybe you have suggestions or something for me like "dude chill" or "wtf" send em on over to andrew@pausedesigns.com even if you want to ACTUALLY hire me too....that would be awesome.

- Andrew Pause  ¶ 7:53 PM

  FRESHLY BAKED


For the most part I don't usually care what other clothing companies are doing. A) Because I'm not interested in how many variations of their logo they can silk-screen onto a shirt. B) Because it costs way more than it's worth. Or C) Because the clothing often looks like it has no effort or passion put into it. Mind you, there are dozens of exceptions. I could spend a whole day talking to you about clothing apparel companies I respect and admire. (Don't tempt me..)

One company I do have a lot of respect for is Johnny Cupcakes. I remember seeing his cupcake and crossbones logo being sported by Casey Jones (The band, not the badass with a heart of gold from TMNT, although that would've been awesome.) about 5 years ago at a show in Toronto. After finding out what it was, I've pretty much been hooked on his tees ever since, watching his brand grow.  The reason for that is because what was once a small tee shirt company sold out of his beat up 1989 Toyota Camry, has now turned into a multi-million dollar business with an unreal cult following, and all because of his Do-It-Yourself attitude and amazing work ethic. It's really inspiring.

Anyway, Johnny just opened his 3rd shop in Los Angeles today. (Apparently people were camping out 4 days prior to it!) And if you're in the area I highly recommend checking it out. Tell him I said "The car was upside down when I got there!" He'll know..

-Eric Pause  ¶ 4:01 PM