You're not friends with Pause on Myspace?! Jesus Christ dude, get on that. Can you imagine if you're friends found out about that? You'd be shun from society forever! Thank God I'm here. Just click HERE to go to it and add us as friends, and I promise to keep this between you and I.
And since you somehow seem to be in the dark about Pause on Myspace I'm going to go ahead and assume you don't know about us on Facebook either. *Sigh* Click HERE and join the group. I'll stall your friends...
Don't ever show me your lame Tony Hawk skate video again. (He's 40 years old and he can only do a 900? Pfffft.) My new favorite skateboarder of all time is Tristan Sorge. Why? Because he's 5. He's 5 years old, 3 foot nothing, and he shreds harder than that credit card you stole and maxed out. I couldn't even properly spread peanut butter onto toast until I was 16, and he's out there winning skate contests, sponsorships and the hearts of countless babes, having only been alive for 1825 days. Unreal.
As you may or may not know, I have serious issues with ugly footwear. Finding crumbs in the butter? Meh. Losing close friends in gang-related drive-bys? Whatever. Having my legs chewed off by a pack of rabid wolves? I'll walk it off... But put a pair of Crocs, sport sandals or Uggs in my line of vision? We have a serious problem.
I thought I had seen the worst of the worst when it came to shitty footwear. That is until today, when these ungodly things walked into my life. Toe shoes. MOTHERFUCKING TOE SHOES! As if toe socks weren't unbearable enough, now I'm forced to look at these sport sandal, water shoe, hiking boot, toe sock hybrids. Could someone please explain this phenomenon to me? Because, I. Do. Not. Get. It. Is it something against eyes? Did everyone that has bought these just lose a bet and now they're forced to wear them in public because their friends made them? Or do they just hate getting laid?
Please help me understand.
-Eric Pause
P.S. The website says they're "An intelligent way to deepen your connection with your natural surroundings." Ha ha ha!
¶ 3:40 PM
Saturday, July 12, 2008
FIRST THINGS FIRST ...everyone looks up to us at Pause, or at least should, and comes to us for advice all the time. So in order to save time, I felt it'd be wise to post these social and moral conundrums and our flawless solutions to them. Here's a question I received from Peter in Burlington:
"hey Pause dudes, I've been thinking a lot lately about the current state of the world and my responsibilities to my fellow men and women. Problem is, with so much wrong in the world, I just don't know where to start, help me Pause Designs, you're my only hope. Help me Pause Designs, you're my only hope"
Dear Peter, and other concerned readers, it's true that the world blows, and not in the fun under the bleachers kind of way, and it sometimes seems like it'd be impossible to make any difference. My advice would be to start small, maybe make a statement against globalization and giant corporations. Buy your goods and services from small and local businesses, I get my hair cut by a guy that lives down the street, it's in his basement, and he ties me up(to prevent me from injuring myself he assures me), and maybe he's touched me once or twice, but the price is right, and I think I'm doing my part to snub places like First Choice and MagiCuts. Everyone knows that they make their hair products from the tears of small third world children. You should also try to buy your clothing as much as possible from smaller, independent companies like say...I don't know, maybe Pause Designs.....just sayin. They keep it real and they don't use sweat shops. Sure, from time to time the warehouse gets a little warm, but they generally work in the buff (emphasis on buff in Ken's case) so the sweat level rarely gets above a subtle glow. Or you could just donate millions of dollars to some charitable foundations or something, but most of them are actually communists, and will use your money to buy cheesecake or whatever it is that commies like. So in conclusion, the solution to the world's problems is to shop at Pause, or else you're a communist,
Our good friend, bodyguard, and mentor, Matt Sorge has recently started up his own skateboard company. So what right? Fuck you "so what". Not only are Axis' decks, wheels, and shirts cheaper than any other skate company out there, but all the designs are done by us at Pause! The extremely limited edition "Blood and Gold" deck pictured above is now available through www.axisskateboards.com. The second colourway of Forest Green and Silver will drop early August. And you didn't hear it from me, but if you're looking for a Pause Designs deck, it would be a safe bet to check back at the Axis website within a couple months ;)
So I figured for my first post I should speak of my recent work in Australia as the Ambassador of Cool(in other words, spreading the sweetness that is pause). Australia seems to epitomize all that pause stands for. It's pretty much the most laid back place in the world, like BC or Jamaica without the drugs and laziness. I actually started watching the news while I was there, because it was nothing but amusing stuff, nothing about terrorists or plagues or anything that might harm us. I swear to god, one day the big story was that a small child had somehow climbed into one of those claw games (the ones where you try to pick up a stuffed pikachu or whatever it is kids are into these days), and it was just a long clip of this child standing inside it looking horribly depressed. If that's not good reporting, I don't know what is. There was no distinct lines between rich and poor areas; in one block in Sydney I could purchase a Lamborghini or cross the street and watch the transvestite hookers with their boobs hanging out, offering gloriously dirty pleasures......I'll let you decide which one I chose to do. I was introduced to the joys of Hungry Jack's, which is what Burger King is known as in Aus. I know what you're all thinking, around here Burger King is like David Spade, it blows hard, yet somehow hangs out with the best, it could disappear from the face of the earth and no one would notice, yet somehow it still shows up to the fast food party. In Australia, Hungry Jacks is more like Chris Farley, you're never disappointed, I dare say that if Farley was still around that's where he would eat (they have this thing called a stunner deal: double bacon cheese burger, medium fry, medium pop and an oreo blizzard for just six bucks!). I got to kick it with some kangaroos, at the Steve Irwin Zoo (the only place in Australia where I actually heard anyone say "crikey!"). After the Sydney life got to be too much, my brother and I rented a campervan and hit the road for two weeks, drove up and down the east coast. With the exception of a couple awkward night time spooning incidences, it was an amazing trip, we climbed a volcano while being stalked by bush turkeys, checked out some amazing beaches where we couldn't swim due to box jellyfish(the most venomous animal in the world), met some meter maids in Surfer's Paradise(in Surfer's, the meter maids are gorgeous girls in golden bikinis that put money in your meter for you, how cool is that?). I was stalked by a man in Cairns who originally tried to sell us drugs and later showed up at the same bar as us and won a pole dancing competition (and I dare to say my heart). We played with geckos and tree frogs in public bathrooms, saw some deadly snakes and showered with some of the most venomous spiders in the world. Gained an appreciation for the word "heaps" (just use it in place of "tons" or "lots"), found out that ketchup is in fact "to-mah-toe" sauce, and that kangaroo is possibly the tastiest thing in the world(it's like steak, but sweeter, I'd take it over a chocolate bar any day). We drank way too much on more occasions than we should have, got hit on by man, woman and other. We danced with power rangers and almost got in a brawl over an incident involving some kebabs(kinda like a pita, or a wrap, but with thicker bread, and it's grilled). And most importantly, plastered every surface we could find with Pause stickers, an activity which Pause "doesn't" encourage. If you ever get the chance, I highly recommend taking the trip down there, just don't spend too much time in Sydney, watch out for the wildlife(there is very little there that won't kill you), and most importantly, bring a stack of Pause stickers (they will be gladly provided),
