So I figured for my first post I should speak of my recent work in Australia as the Ambassador of Cool(in other words, spreading the sweetness that is pause). Australia seems to epitomize all that pause stands for. It's pretty much the most laid back place in the world, like BC or Jamaica without the drugs and laziness. I actually started watching the news while I was there, because it was nothing but amusing stuff, nothing about terrorists or plagues or anything that might harm us. I swear to god, one day the big story was that a small child had somehow climbed into one of those claw games (the ones where you try to pick up a stuffed pikachu or whatever it is kids are into these days), and it was just a long clip of this child standing inside it looking horribly depressed. If that's not good reporting, I don't know what is. There was no distinct lines between rich and poor areas; in one block in Sydney I could purchase a Lamborghini or cross the street and watch the transvestite hookers with their boobs hanging out, offering gloriously dirty pleasures......I'll let you decide which one I chose to do. I was introduced to the joys of Hungry Jack's, which is what Burger King is known as in Aus. I know what you're all thinking, around here Burger King is like David Spade, it blows hard, yet somehow hangs out with the best, it could disappear from the face of the earth and no one would notice, yet somehow it still shows up to the fast food party. In Australia, Hungry Jacks is more like Chris Farley, you're never disappointed, I dare say that if Farley was still around that's where he would eat (they have this thing called a stunner deal: double bacon cheese burger, medium fry, medium pop and an oreo blizzard for just six bucks!). I got to kick it with some kangaroos, at the Steve Irwin Zoo (the only place in Australia where I actually heard anyone say "crikey!"). After the Sydney life got to be too much, my brother and I rented a campervan and hit the road for two weeks, drove up and down the east coast. With the exception of a couple awkward night time spooning incidences, it was an amazing trip, we climbed a volcano while being stalked by bush turkeys, checked out some amazing beaches where we couldn't swim due to box jellyfish(the most venomous animal in the world), met some meter maids in Surfer's Paradise(in Surfer's, the meter maids are gorgeous girls in golden bikinis that put money in your meter for you, how cool is that?). I was stalked by a man in Cairns who originally tried to sell us drugs and later showed up at the same bar as us and won a pole dancing competition (and I dare to say my heart). We played with geckos and tree frogs in public bathrooms, saw some deadly snakes and showered with some of the most venomous spiders in the world. Gained an appreciation for the word "heaps" (just use it in place of "tons" or "lots"), found out that ketchup is in fact "to-mah-toe" sauce, and that kangaroo is possibly the tastiest thing in the world(it's like steak, but sweeter, I'd take it over a chocolate bar any day). We drank way too much on more occasions than we should have, got hit on by man, woman and other. We danced with power rangers and almost got in a brawl over an incident involving some kebabs(kinda like a pita, or a wrap, but with thicker bread, and it's grilled). And most importantly, plastered every surface we could find with Pause stickers, an activity which Pause "doesn't" encourage. If you ever get the chance, I highly recommend taking the trip down there, just don't spend too much time in Sydney, watch out for the wildlife(there is very little there that won't kill you), and most importantly, bring a stack of Pause stickers (they will be gladly provided),

Labels: PAUSE-tralia

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