"Who is Dog the Bounty Hunter's spray tan guy?"
Dear you,
Instead of entertaining this question with an answer that kind of requires me to get in touch with Dog's formidable yet scrumtrilescently gorgeous wife, I'm just going to think out loud for a couple paragraphs. I'm getting ready for bed and I'm reeling from a seriously terrible episode of Law and Order, so shit was going from bad to worse and now I'm faced with some of my own questions.
Firstly I have some genuine curiosity around whether or not questions about 'spray tanning' and the 'guys' that do it unto others are topics of civilized conversation. I basically live under a rock so bear with me on this but my grade ten experiences are kind of ingrained and I'm pretty steadfast in the notion that spray tanning is rarely a well thought out venture. I have a vivid memory of my friends' hands having dark orange lines where their usually not-orange much more human-like palms should have been. Never mind that, imagine the cracks behind your knees? Yikes.
I wonder what would happen if you just let it spray you for like 8 straight minutes with your mouth open? Maybe that's what Scooter from the Muppets mouth looks like inside. I wonder who his spray tan guy is?
Secondly, what's the deal with public transit seats that are covered with that red fabric? I was riding the Rocket two weekends ago and my Mom was like "this is disgusting". Since it was Mother's Day I supported her, but then I realized I wasn't just being patronizing. There's no reason to have tough-to-clean seats on a transit system that almost guarantees a steady supply of really gross stuff on peoples' pants and hands. Extrapolate this: I just looked down and realized I had ketchup on my jeans. Imagine who else would have my ketchup on their pants if I sat on a fabric transit seat?! This is a silent killer, probably.
I don't know guys. Is there a website I can contact with my questions about this obscure stuff? Wait. WAIT. What if there were a website that would answer obscure questions about public safety as it pertains to bodily fluids and ALSO sell me t-shirts with original art on them? I'm a fricking genius.
Hope this helps,
Chomps
Have a question? Email it to straightshootin@pausedesigns.com! ¶ 10:54 AM
