"Dear Straight Shootin',
I need to name my children, what first names are suitable?
example: Bur Gur...
peace and love to the pals at Pause.
-John"
Dear John,
I know you. I know you probably have good intentions. I know we’ve shared some good times in Ken’s family barn screaming along to budget metal and taking photos of what eventually would become the greatest clothing line ever. I know you probably don’t always talk the way you did that one time on webcam (for like, an hour straight, and none of us in that room who witnessed what went down on that camera will ever get that hour back). I know you, John. Not well, but enough. I know you enough to know that you should not procreate. John, hear me. Please. Do not have children.
Please note that based on your example of Bur Gur, I am assuming you are going for the Clever but Cruel route in naming your spawn. With that in mind, in the event that you screw up and go against my plea, the following names are suitable (I have also taken into account the time you have spent in other countries, which may lead to the need for names suitable to more than one ethnicity):
Ann
Finn
Bug
Warmon
Cou (pronounced Coo)
Humdin
Ja (pronounced both Ja, and Ya)
Lou
Ty
Zin
Stay away from the following, because people will think your last name is pronounced with a soft G:
Bad
Aven
Mer
Challen
Manny
Dylan
But John, please. Please. Just read the first paragraph of my response several times before making any rash decisions.
Hope this helps!
Your BFF, Mel
Have a question? Email it to straightshootin@pausedesigns.com! ¶ 12:40 PM
