DEAR DREW BARRYMORE,

Fuck you. I am seriously fed up with being told that you're hot. How the fuck are you a spokesperson for Covergirl? Why are you on my TV? You look like a server at a truck stop, like maybe you'd look doable if I was eating a late night breakfast to sober myself up. But I wouldn't tell my friends. Not even the fat ones. And I wanted white toast, not brown, so I want my chocolate milk free, you fucking got that? Don't call me
Kyle