MY ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP WITH BUFFETS
Okay. I know exactly what you're thinking right now.
" What's with the new banner?! Tell me more about your booth at the Toronto Clothing Show!" "Talk about your love of buffets!"
I'd be happy to!
Here's a list of why I love buffets:
- The ability to consume your entire body-weight in food in one meal for the same price.
Ah yes. Trust me on this, fellas. Nothing impresses girls more than eating until you can't see straight. It goes back to this primal instinct where girls think "He will protect my young." But in this case, protecting them by straight up eating the threat. It's science.
- No more choosing what to order on the menu.
Menus? Ha! I laugh at the very mention of them. You know what else I laugh at? Suckers trying to decide whether to get the Chicken or the Beef while I'm loading up on ONE OF EVERYTHING.
- The complete disregard of dinner etiquette.
Mashed potatoes, watermelon, deviled eggs, sushi, cheesecake, crab, jello, pancakes, build-your-own sundae, roast beef, rice pudding....same plate. Take THAT corporate America!
- The option of discarding any piece of food, and continuing on with something else with no consequences.
Besides briefly dating the queen of England (What a crazy weekend that was..), this is the closest I've ever felt to being a king. If you're like me, then you know that every time a king eats it's a feast. And you also know that it's customary for the king to just nibble on each item on the plate before losing his shit and demanding something different. No matter how tasty it actually is. It's the principle of the matter.
I could go on and on about the many reasons I love buffets, but just talking about them doesn't get any more buffet into my stomach. Thus, I am starting a very prestigious and elite group of buffet enthusiasts, that will travel the world in search of the ultimate buffet. It's called The Hella Elite-est Buffet Lovers Of All Time. Or THE BLOAT for short. To apply, all you have to do is tell me why buffets are mankind's greatest achievement.
Good luck.
-Eric Pause
